Yet another stupid parody of Harry Potter
by boboo3
Summary: THE COOKIE MONSTER ATTACKS RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! Hermione makes gasoline. Goyle is lookin good too. by me, angel
1. Default Chapter

Yet another stupid parody of Harry Potter  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, do you really think I would waste my time writing here? Okay for all you morons out there who don't know, I do not own this FANfiction. Hence stories made by FANS!!! I am finished now.  
  
(The scene opens up on the train with Hermione)  
  
Hermione: Hey, you, clueless, can you help me find a nerd with broken glasses?  
  
Neville: I dunno, can you help me find my frog?  
  
Trevor (the toad): I AM A TOAD YOU IMBECILE!!! *Hits him over the head with an evil grapefruit*  
  
Hermione: I am leaving now.  
  
Hermione walks around for about 5 minutes until she finds a compartment with a nerd with broken glasses.  
  
Hermione: Hey! You are a nerd with broken glasses; can I fix them since I would love to show off my magic?  
  
Harry: go ahead.  
  
Hermione: All right! Repairo! *Harry flies out the window*  
  
Hermione: Oh Crap, um Accio dork with glasses.  
  
Harry: *comes back* I have a name, you know, it is Harry Potter.  
  
Hermione: The guy who invented the toilet, right?  
  
Harry: NO I defeated Voldemort all by myself. ^-^  
  
Ron: *Dies from hearing the 'V' word x_x*  
  
&*^Elsewhere^*&  
  
Draco: FROG AAAAHHHHHH!!!!  
  
Neville: TREVOR!  
  
Crabbe: mmmm chocolate frog. *Reaches for Trevor*  
  
Trevor: oh such cruel fate, or not. *Jumps out window*  
  
Trevor landed on the tracks happily knowing he was escaping certain death, or not. For Snape ran over him on one of those things in cartoons that are on wheels that you push up and down on.  
  
Snape: Every year they leave just before I can get on the (insert word) train.  
  
Trevor: x_X  
  
&*^Laterz^*&  
  
Trolley Lady: Would any of you brat- I mean dears, like some Poi- I mean treats.  
  
Harry: *examines the 'treats' that are labeled 'rat poison'* sure! They look great.  
  
Harry ate, actually snarfed, a couple treats down then offered one to Ron. Then he remembered Ron was dead, so he gave Ron to Neville as a friend.  
  
Harry: There now you have an almost real friend.  
  
Hermione: Hey dork- I mean Harry, its time to get changed.  
  
Harry: Right. *Starts to get his stuff, then notices Hermione is still there*  
  
Harry: hem hem (al la Umbridge)  
  
Hermione: What do you want?  
  
Harry: Privacy.  
  
Hermione: Why? All the girls in the dormitory have to dress down in front of each other anyway I think.  
  
Harry: I am not a girl.  
  
Hermione: You aren't? PERV!!! YOU WERE ABOUT TO DRESS DOWN IN FRONT OF ME!!!  
  
Harry: Was not I was the one telling you to get out.  
  
Hermione: I am not going to hang out with a perv, gross. *Stomps out*  
  
Harry: O_o oooookay  
  
Random Train Dude: We're about to arrive in Hogwarts School for the mentally challenged soon. Wait, I mean witches and wizards.  
  
Harry: This is going to be a good year, like those tires.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Angel: Hey this is my first fic sent to fanfiction.net so go easy on me okay? So about the name, here's how it goes: once upon a time there were a bro and sis, they fought all the time until this one day when they decided to become wannabe authors. They joined ff.net and became Angel or Nightcrawler. The boy would be known as Nightcrawler while the girl was angel. So that was my short story. Yup. And review if you liked it, correct me if I am wrong, give me inspirations for further chapters, and flames will be used to burn chewy, the evil terrier. Love Angel 


	2. Row row row your boat

Disclaimer: Hi! I hope you know that Harry Potter or the Oreo song is not mine.  
  
These creeps just arrived at Hogwarts and are getting off the train.  
  
Hermione: Wow this place is great! *She drops a bag of Oreos*  
  
Draco noticed this, and walked up to the bag.  
  
Draco: Must be some crappy muggle treats; I might as well try some. *Picks up the bag and tries one*  
  
Draco liked these treats. He ate and ate until he got a sugar high. In his sugary rampage he sung a song.  
  
Draco: The white stuff,  
The white stuff,  
  
First one was a sweet one,  
Second one was a blast,  
  
Soon I finished off the bag,  
Ate 'em up real fast,  
  
You can see 'em in my teeth,  
Something when I talk,  
  
Had so many my pancreas just went into shock  
  
I love the white stuff,  
Baby  
In the middle of an Oreo  
  
I love the white stuff, baby  
It's the most delicious thing, I know  
  
I've had a zillion or two in my life, they're so right  
Now Twinkies and dingdongs wont do, but who cares?  
  
What else am I supposed to do?  
  
Oh oh oh oh oh oh Oreo  
What's in the middle, the white stuff,  
*He goes on like this for awhile*  
  
&*^Elsewhere^*& Harry: I am bored, and lonely. *Looks at owl*  
  
Harry: I will name you, Free Money.  
  
Free Money: Hoo  
  
Harry: You, you are Free Money.  
  
Peeves: *Flies in on a toaster* Here have him back. *Gives him a living Ron*  
  
Ron: HI Harry.  
  
Hagrid: Come on; come on, this way first years.  
  
&*^Hermione's boat^*&  
  
Hermione: Hey, you aren't a student.  
  
Snape: I know, you filthy child.  
  
Hermione: You need to catch up with the stiles, dude.  
  
Snape: I do not, go away you brat.  
  
Hermione: I know how to make you happy, I will introduce you to my evil leprechaun, Barney.  
  
Snape: Right.  
  
Hermione: Barney tells me to burn things.  
  
Snape: O_o;  
  
&*^Draco's Boat^*&  
  
Draco: *still hyper and singing* Ohhhhhh this is a story about a guy named al, and he lived in the sewer with his hamster pal and.  
  
Hagrid: ^please, let me just make it to the school, pleeeeaaaassseee. ^  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Angel: Hey anyone I know this is crappy, but work with me here. I need ideas or this won't be here anymore. (not like that is a bad thing) REVIEWS ARE NEEDED, I GROW DESPERATE AND UNLOVED. ttfn 


	3. Sorting

Disclaimer: I do not own the song from the last chapter about the guy and his hamster pal. I do not own Harry or any of his friends either.  
  
By the way I know the last chapter sucked. I just had a little bit o writer's block I need help.  
  
A message for gamegirl3~ ~ awww ya really think I'm funny. I feel so loved! You are my first ever reviewer. Thank You  
  
A message for sweetangel~ ~ ^-^ I am so happy I can cry. Two reviews. (The simple things make me happy) I know it is not much but thank you!!! I feel so happy. I will write more and get ideas. Hermione will hopefully keep this attitude and burn burn burn.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
CHAPTER 3 SORTING  
  
Harry: Sooo how do we get sorted  
  
Ron: I dunno I heard many hot sharp iron rods excruciatingly burn you.  
  
Hermione: burn. fire. good.  
  
Barney: Yes as soon as we get fire you know what to do.  
  
Hermione: Yessssssss..  
  
Draco: Who are you talking to, crudblood?  
  
Hermione: Barney, see? *points to Barney who is thin air*  
  
Professor M: It is time to go class.  
  
The over-used one (Harry) and the rest moved up to the stage to find an old, ugly hat.  
  
Hermione: *spots a candle* ooooooh *grabs the candle and proceeds toward the ugly hat*  
  
Sorting Hat: Ahhh no it burns burns heeeelllllppppp!!!!! *Disintegrates*  
  
Dumbledore: uh oh looks like we need a new hat. *Goes away for 15 minutes*  
  
Dumbledore: I found one! *Puts a blue cowboy hat on the stool with purple doors on it*  
The door opens up to reveal crazy dancing hat man.  
  
Cdhm (crazy dancing Hat man): Look at me I'm crazy woooowoowowoowo l;ahjtaniovwkrjf  
  
Prof. M: Okay I will just skip all these other students and call Harry out first because they don't matter.  
  
Harry: *walks up to the stool, sits on it, then puts on the hat*  
  
Cdhm: LETS SEE HERE, PLENTY OF MEATBALLS, AND SOME CHEESE TOO! I should put you in Slitheryn, but I will put you in Gryffindor because it is running low on people.  
  
Audience: *cheers like mad*  
  
Harry: YEAH!  
  
Dumbledore: Time to sing the school song. wait the author has a request. okay lets sing the song. Happy Birthday to her pal, Brittany.  
  
All: Happy Birthday to you  
Happy Birthday to you  
Happy Birthday dear Brittany,  
Happy Birthday to you  
  
Fred+George: End fastest because they sing it in polka format.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Angel: Okay that's a rap. I got the Cdhm off of the Amanda show so it is not mine. I just thought it would fit. So I will see all of you later. 


	4. Anticookie monster elixir

Hey I am back I am so sorry I was gone for so long I suck. ( But I'll try to be better! I don't own this book okay If I did I would not be writing this right now on my computer  
  
I'll have some assistance from my bro today Nightcrawler. So here I go...  
  
^^^Breakfast the next morning^^^ Harry: I have a class with professor Snape first...  
  
Hermione: *Staring at BIG HAIRY person*  
  
Hermione: Hey who is that BIG HAIRY person?  
  
Ron: *Looks to see BH*  
  
Ron: THE COOKIE MONSTER!!!!!!!! DEFEND ALL THE COOKIES!!!!!! *Runs off to do so*  
  
Hermione: I think he's crazy.  
  
Evil Leprechaun: Yesssss I think he is.  
  
^^^Snape's Class^^^ Snape: Today we are doing WHATEVER we want, but first make sure it can be made in a cauldron.  
  
Class:YAAAAAAAAAYYYYY  
  
Ron: I am making some anti-cookie monster elixir.  
  
Harry: I am making a potion to cure fatness.  
  
Hermione: I am making some gasoline to go with my lighter!  
  
^^^30 minutes later^^^  
  
Snape: Time show me your... creations.  
  
Harry: Here is my potion it is made up of cake, brownies, ice cream, lard, butter, syrup, chocolate, and love.  
  
Ron: Use it on Goyle.  
  
Harry: Okay *Gives some to goyle who instantly gains 5,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 pounds*  
  
Goyle: Mmmmm tastes gooooooood.  
  
Snape: O_o moving on now.  
  
Ron: I made a anti-cookie monster mix, I blended some cookies, then I put some milk in it, some newt eyes, some of your disgusting slimy hair, some nair, and toilet water. I AM SO PROUD.  
  
Snape: I'll give it a A for creativity but lets see if it would work.  
  
Ron: *bakes some cookies and waits.*  
  
Hagrid soon comes in and smells the cookies. When he goes to take one, Ron splashes all of his potion on Hagrid.  
  
Hagrid: MY EYES MY EYES *runs out of the room screaming. *  
  
Snape: I guess it worked.... F F F F F haaaaahahahahah  
  
Ron: no fair.  
  
Hermione: I made gasoline, watch.  
  
Hermione lights her beloved lighter, matchy, and pours contents on it. IT blows up and creates a blue smoke, which turns Snape's hair blue.  
  
Snape: MY BEAUTIFUL, UNWASHED HAIR! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Neville: just another day in paradise...  
  
Okay so in this section I will thank ALL my reviewers.  
  
Lotr –PtoC –HP –Number1Fan~~~ Thank you for telling me I am funny I really appreciate it!  
  
SweetAngel~~~ Hermione shall burn more things soon...  
  
Ash vault rose garden~~~ I LIKE BEING HYPER TOO wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  
  
Joanne-Davenport~~~ I like her burning obsession too thank you  
  
Insane Lady~~~ Happy pills Yaaaayayaaaaay Draco likes oreos  
  
Nelly~~~ I like being called funny thank you 


End file.
